You may have a medical degree, but this doesn't mean you're not an idiot. Case in point: My weekend.
So I got a physical done for the first time in who knows how long, and of course this includes blood work. I should have known I wasn't dealing the highest caliber of medical professionals when it took them 3 tries to find a vein, and they had to use the one in my hand and the assistant says "Well let's hope it doesn't burst" to the OTHER assistant while I AM RIGHT THERE. SITTING WITH A NEEDLE POKING OUT OF ME. TRYING NOT TO HYPERVENTILATE. I AM NOT A ROBOT.
This was last week, so this weekend I am dog sitting and I suddenly get a call "The doctor needs you to come in to discuss your blood work results". Um, what? So of course, my inner hypochondriac starts to imagine all the worst things, from cancer to Super Aids. So I go in, and right away they hand my my lab results on a paper that has a whole lot of red on it. I ask if I'll get to talk to someone, and am told to wait for the doctor. 2 and a half hours later I am no closer to seeing the doctor, so I leave with a test that states I am positive for Hepatitis A and B to race back to a dog that might poop itself if it waits any longer.
Fast forward to Saturday morning, after waking up at the ass crack of dawn to be the first person there, the assistant speaks to me and tells me I have Hepatitis B. Understandably, I start to hyperventilate and inquire about the future of my liver and the possibility of cancer. Also, I'm confused, because I don't use dirty needles or have sex with homeless people. This is what he said, VERBATIM.
"Well, since you're asymptomatic there's no need to concern yourself with liver disease just yet. While half of liver cancer patients have Hep B, that doesn't necessarily mean Hep B causes liver cancer. It's just that most people with liver cancer have Hep B."
Why, thank you physician's assistant. YOU MADE ME FEEL TEN TIMES WORSE ABOUT MY LIFE, FUCK YOU, I FEEL BAD FOR THE GIRL YOU DATE YOU PROBABLY SUCK AT TALKING TO HER TOO.
An hour later, I finally get to talk to the ACTUAL doctor. Who says I don't have Hep B, I just have antibodies from the vaccine. I do have a hyperactive thyroid which would explain why I'm neurotic as fuck, though. I'd like to think that if this get's fixed, most of my problems will be gone. I know that's not the case though, because my brain is also broken. But not my spirit!
Ok maybe it is a little broken. It's hard to feel hopeful when even going to the doctor is so difficult. I'm trying to be healthy, trying to make positive changes and then I just flip out. It makes NO sense. And I worry it will ruin everything.
So here's pictures of the doggie I took care of, because fuck doctors.