Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Of Farts And Birds

So my boyfriend is a pain in the ass, and thinks I need to post something every fucking hour.

I mean I have a job, that I do stuff at. Like, grown up stuff. A lot.

Ok, maybe I don't do much at work, but still. It's the principle of the matter.

So while commuting to work today I got bitch slapped by a bird. I was just walking to the train, jamming out to some Miley when all of a sudden I feel a FWAP against my skull.  I stop, very perplexed...and then it happens again and I see this fucking asshole bird fly up and start following me along the fence.  After checking myself for birdshit on my nice shirt, I ran away. NYC birds are assholes.

Anyway, this got me thinking about the idea of aggression vs. assertiveness. Also about my feelings for NYC, and how as I get older I get the urge to branch out a bit.  I am not overly assertive. At all. I've been likened to a doormat.  I may look all tough with my boxing gloves and F-bombs, but at heart I'm a softie and I just want to be everyone's friend.  But in this city it's all a rat race; you can't get anywhere without throwing some elbows, and quite honestly I don't know the first thing about tapping into that side of myself. It was there a long time ago, but its been squashed for so long I don't even know if it can be revived.

I love NYC, I love the hustle and bustle, the energy, the convenience, the abundance and the variety of options it has. I'm very fortunate to inherit my residence here, my parents sacrificed everything to come here 32 years ago. But lately, I've been feeling the depression that comes from not making enough to move out, the lack of breathing room, the constantly being pushed aside simply because someone else has bigger elbows.  I want green and ocean and a lifestyle that I don't have to haul ass in order to even stay afloat.

But then, today I'm taking the elevator back up to work and a very professional looking man lets out a wet fart, and says "ooh!" and I'm reminded of the very heart of NYC: a sick, assholish sense of humor.

And I laughed.

-Grace #Adulting

Monday, June 16, 2014

For The Love Of Dogs

I love dogs.  I spend at least three hours a day (most likely more) reading about them, looking at them on the internet, and thinking about them.  To many, this seems like obsession. My boyfriend teases me for shutting down when I see a cute dog on the street. Everyone asks why I don't have one.

Well, as much as I would love one right now, the truth is I'm not obsessed.  An obsessed person would not realize they can't provide a life that is worthy of a dog at the moment.  I'm here to make a case that everyone should be "obsessed" with dogs, and here's why:

The only reason dogs are the way they are today, is because of us.  They came to us when we were primitive beings and helped us scour for food; they have helped the Greeks and Romans soldiers in battle just as they do today. Every single trait in dogs has been manifested by humans; if they are aggressive, it is our fault, not theirs; if they are loving it is because we have taught them to be loving.
Dogs are the tailored animal; reared and selected and even genetically modified to our will, sometimes to their detriment.  But they don't know that, all they know of is love.

If you want to know what it is like to live a happy life, live like a dog. A dog goes from moment to moment, taking pleasure in all the little nuances and happenstances that they come across. When a dog is happy their joy is unadulterated; they do not care if they laugh too loud or love too much, whereas human beings hang on to their "I love you's" and words of comfort and hoard them like gold, not realizing love only grows when it is shared.  We guard our happiness because we fear others will scorn it; and it shows in the dogs we rear when they guard their toys.

Dogs have seen me through many difficult moments, and not all have liked me.  I try not to take it too personally, but dogs have their own unique personalities like we do, and not everyone likes me.  Dogs have never judged me for crying, or for being angry, or for being scared.  From the tiniest of puppies that have chewed my clothing to bits to the sickest and the elderly ones that I have had to say goodbye to, they have all just been. They let me, be.

So see a Dog as more than just a pet, more than an animal that depends on food and shelter from you. We tamed dogs, and as Antoine de Saint-ExupĂ©ry said in "The Little Prince", you are responsible for the things you tame.  If you have the honor and privilege of seeing your dog out of life, do it.  We live in a society where we hide the elderly away because it's much easier than to have to think and care about them.  We turn our faces away from the homeless, the sick and the disabled.

Turn back around, face them.  You will feel much braver with a dog by your side.

WHOAH Nelly, finally can breathe

WHOAH. Sorry I disappeared, bad Grace bad. Spanky Spanky.

So....lots of crap happened, that was actually grown up stuffs!

I played a skanky fairy in "A Midsummer Night's Dream", and then I played a hooker in a web skit (obviously I'm type cast) and I got to say the N-Word but I felt really guilty but also a little thrilled since it's a bad bad word.

But now, here are two BIG things that happened and made me feel like maybe all my stumbling around was finally going in some direction;

1. I wrote a song for my boyfriend's short film that starred Rebecca Spence and Red West.  Red West, for those who don't know, has a legendary career that involved co-writing some songs with Elvis. They sang my song. They sang MY song. THEY SANG MY SONG. And LIKED it. Holy bajeesus cowtesticles.

2. I'M GONNA BE IN A MOVIE MOTHERFLUFFERNUTTERS! My first ever full feature role, and it's a Vampire Princess that slays zombies. Basically my dream role.   I start filming next week, so basically, I'm going to be exhausted for a few months.

So yeah, I'm getting a bit better at adulting. There's still a long way to go, but here's to finally going.