Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Life in the Trees.

Thirty-three years ago I was born, and from that moment the confusion started. Every month I wanted to be something new when I grew up (architect, dancer, research scientist, actress, athlete, professor.....oh yeah, and wild treehouse-dwelling skinned-knee princess).

Even now, in my allegedly grownup state (oh hello, 'adulting', how are you?), I still want to grab every adult woman I see by the shoulders and just shake her screaming Hooooow? How do you do this? If she has a career or a family or even both (let's assume mommy is Leaning In), I just want to cry at her, How do you do it? How do you take something that is a passion and just make the leap and decide to do it all the time as your job, without being worried about having one, two, or three backup part-time jobs for the paycheck that take all your time and energy? 

If you aren't following your passion, then how do you get up every morning and go off to a job that you most likely hate, without one day snapping, throwing off all your clothes and running shrieking off to the woods to become a wild treehouse-dwelling princess? 

And for the love for everything that is womankind will someone please tell me HOW does anyone have the courage to have a child in this world, without being crushed to death by anxiety and fear? Will any one of you kindly ladies please tell me HOW???

I don't do any of this, however, because there are laws against assault, and these ladies have enough to do without a wild-eyed thirty-three year old womanchild shaking them by the shoulders and screaming unintelligibly. But still, the urge is there. Instead, I adjust my sunglasses, take another sip of my iced coffee, and wonder, for the thousandth time, if it's not too late to run off and become a treehouse-dwelling princess after all.

(posted by Laurel)

Sunday, June 1, 2014

A true test of character

Once upon a time, there lived an evil sorcerer called "The MTA".  Every other weekend, he would commit heinous fuckery and toy with the mostly good samaritans (not counting tourists) of New York City.  It would wield its evil magic through the guise of "construction" and "train traffic", and cause much mayhem and tragical tragedy.  This is where our hero, Grace, found herself today; caught between the war of the blue and red line; her Burts Bees war paint shining in the fluorescent lighting.

She had just had a spicy brined margarita, so she was well prepared and determined to see this journey through. With pointy little elbows and tiny sausage legs, she forced her way through the crowd of questionable youths and surprisingly aggressive old ladies to finally make her way on the C train, and soon she was awaiting the A. For twenty minutes. In heels.  (Though she be but little, she is fierce.)

After the the battle of the A train, she rushed towards the pits of the shuttle bus of the one, casualties of war gathering before her because they were too busy staring at their phones.  She gallantly galloped to the bus and exclaimed "I'm getting on motherfuckers!" and "Pardon me".  She had to stand in those painful things they called shoes, but she was standing strong.

She is currently on a very big Mac, drinking some wine and resting her weary feet.  She reflected on her battle this afternoon, and took away this;

Sometimes, there will be things you can not control and it will have the power to ruin your day just by the sheer annoyance it causes you, and the frustration of being so powerless.  But all you can do is throw your elbows, dive into the fray, and imagine the holy grail that is a glass of red wine awaiting you.

Life is going to fuck you in the ass sometimes, and it doesn't care if you have a hemorrhoid.  All you can do is relax and provide the appropriate aftercare.

-Grace, #Adulting