I've moved out. I live with actual roommates now.
I have a real "adult" job. I'm going on vacation.
Lately, when my boyfriend gives me pity sex because he knows it's directly tied to my low self esteem, I feel like he might be imagining me as another person when he's closing his eyes, since he's admitted I don't do much for the boner department lately. He's worried. Can't see me in any other light than the love and concern he has for me.
I have never felt less desired, womanly, or special in my life.
I don't see myself as an equal; and therein lies the problem: I need to love myself. I have no reason not to. Just because I'm not the best at anything or a model doesn't make me any less worthy of love. I know this. I still hate myself
I do it to myself. I just needed to write it out in this post no one will ever see.